Reading an article on Neil Gaiman, one thing that really struck me was how many women ended up being victimized also as free labor: nannies only paid when it was worthwhile to bribe them to sign an NDA.
The article led me to watch Amanda Palmer’s TED talk “The Art of Asking,” in which she brags about getting lots of free stuff from people who have less social cache and money than her. To her it feels fair, because they are “getting” the joy of her presence.
This made me think about, well, you-know-who, President Voldemort, and his long, long history of not paying contractors, not paying lawyers, not paying entertainers… just plain NOT PAYING. Yet, people keep giving him things: Their labor, their attention, their devotion, their pleas of allegiance, their professional ethics. They will get NOTHING in return, but they will keep doing it, desperately.
We think that, in a logical world, giving something to a wealthy person would endebt them to you, and you would then reap favors unavailable to you otherwise. The opposite is true. The rich person feels that YOU are indebted to them, you plebe, you less-worthwhile person, and the more you give, the more you reinforce your peonage.
My sister worked at a store in a wealthy area. She said, “The worst customers are middle-aged women in sweatpants and diamonds. They saunter in and say, ‘what’s on sale for ME?'” They want extra discounts for being rich and not needing a discount.
Why would they even?? Because it happens for them, because the stores think if they offer a special deal, the rich person will come and spend more. They won’t. They’ll only take the discount. They take and never give back.
THEY NEVER GIVE BACK.
Put it in a horror movie whisper: THEY NEVER GIVE BACK.
It’s hard to break the habit of hope, of obsequiousness, of dreaming of patronage. And it is this very dream that is helping create American Fascism. Hell, it probably helped create German Fascism. “Yes, they are odious, wrong people, but if I am good to them, they will let me prosper.”
And the toadies always look so shocked when, after turning in all their neighbors, they are finally collected and taken away, rewarded for their obedience with death.
I don’t know how to preach this story enough. Every time I’ve seen someone give something to a rich person, they got burned in return. Whether it’s a night on the couch or a free round of coffee at your restaurant, you are only hurting yourself, one of a faceless horde of givers who will never, EVER be rewarded.
If you, dear reader, are ever in a position to do a favor to a rich or famous person: DON’T. And pass that on.
