I was sitting around the campfire with some fighting buddies and they were talking about doing some training the next day. I hesitantly asked, “Um, I mean… could I… maybe… if it’s okay, can I come?”
Fighting buddy put down his drink, leaned forward, and said, “You should be OBLIGATED to come.”
And I felt such incredible relief.
Obligation gets a bad name, but the things we sign up to do, the things we are charged to do, can be freeing. My friend’s words freed me from the fear that I wasn’t welcome, that I was a bother. If one is obligated, one is not being selfish to do a thing.
Before I gave up my parking spot at work, obligating myself to bike in every day, I often wished I would ride my bike more. If I look at the times outside of commuting I’ve ridden my bike… its… not a whole hell of a lot of bike riding. Almost all the joy I get from my bike, I get because I am obligated to use it. And yes, I wake up in the morning and groan, wishing I had a parking spot and a car so I could sleep in just a bit more… but once I’m in the saddle, I’m always glad to be there. My morning bike ride is meditative and calming.
I am obligated to walk my dog twice a day, and so I have met so many more of my neighbors, after years of living in this neighborhood and wishing I knew the people around me.
For my writing, I made a date with my friend Nyla to write together on Monday nights while my kid was at her roller derby practice. Kid grew up and left roller derby, but I still have a steady write-in on Monday nights. Nyla stopped coming, but her husband signed up, and I invited a few other writers. Once a week, a small group of writing buddies knows I’m supposed to be writing, so I am obligated to get work done. I am free to get work done. My family excuses me from chores or television-watching or anything. They know I have to write, too.
What do you find you have no time to do, but you really want to? Exercise? Chores? An art or craft? My advice is: find a way to make it an obligation. I’ve been meaning to sew myself a new dress for over a year. Last weekend, my sister invited me to a sewing retreat. Suddenly I was off in the woods with nothing but people sewing around me. I got that dress done!
Over the winter, when I don’t bike to work, I always tell myself I’ll find another exercise to take its place, but I don’t. I take the stairs at work maybe for a week before I get lazy. There really is nothing that works like obligation. All you have to do is find how to wedge that obligation into your life comfortably.
